Sort of The End: Then and Now..and from Now On.

O.K., I’ve mucked around and probably over-thought this post for long enough. If you’ve been battling your weight, struggling with weight-related health issues or are just beginning to suspect the tip of the iceberg…the first thing you must know is that you aren’t alone. The second most important thing you have to embrace is, that where you are right now…how you are…is your responsibility. Fat, thin, happy, sad; you are the one sitting in the driver’s seat. You got you there…and now…you can get yourself out…if that is inded what will make you happy.

Now, I’m going to tie up some loose ends here.

Just after I reached my goal, and had actually surpassed it, I found out that I had a whopping bad case of endometriosis and a whole team of fibroid cysts. Girly part issues…to be more delicate. Surgery was suddenly right smack in the middle of my plans, and recovery from it held eight long weeks of doing nothing. Two weeks of bed rest, and six more weeks of nothing more strenuous than making toast.

I bring this up because, life does manage to keep going on and you will encounter obstacles that will require you to work around. In this case, though I returned home from surgery bloated-up like a Kennedy after Oktoberfest. Of course this totally jacked with my hard-earned self-image. And yep…I gained a little weight back. Laying on the couch eating pudding cups and string cheese (even low-fat ones) will do that to a person. Hey…they told me protein would aid in healing. Evidently I over-indulged a bit. That, coupled with ceasing to move around for an extended amount of time gave me a great lesson in cause and effect. My records show that I gained about five pounds.

Yes…it was only a few pounds…but it freaked me right the hell out. I had worked so haaaaaard. And now mean old life was trying to sabotage me. B-o-o. H-o-o. Waaaaaaaaaa!

So yeah….I pouted and whined. But then I got over myself, went to a few WW meetings (after you hit your goal you only need to attend once a month to keep your membership active) and got myself back on track. Your head is where it’s at. The excuses AND the motivation. You just have to pick which one to listen to.

Bottom line: From start to goal reached, it took me 9 and a half months. That may sound like forever…but remember, it took YEARS for me to put on all those extra pounds. Years and years. So…nine months to do away with nine or ten years of weight? Not a bad deal, really.

I kept going to monthly meetings just to stay inspired and motivated. Plus I really liked some of the people I had met. When I decided to stop attending, due to schedule conflicts, I weighed in at 156.

I knew that, as long as I ate sensibly and continued moderate moving-around, my body would keep losing until it reached what it knew to be a healthy stopping place…and then it would maintain that weight. Through the months of recording my weight at meetings, I knew that once a month my weight would fluctuate by as much as three or four pounds…and then drop back down again. For you boys out there…it’s a girl thing. Ladies…you know what I mean.

Now some full disclosure:

When you go from this (somewhere between 145 and 150 lbs):

To this (at about 245 lbs):

And then back to this:

You might, not always the case, but you might end up with some areas that have been stretched to their limit…and don’t quite snap back. I’m guessing you are seeing what I’m referencing. For some people upper arm skin (wonderous wings) are the issue. For some…some chin-waddle or the ever popular “kangaroo pouch”. I’ve got a little wing-age. Maybe a little, tiny bit of waddle. And lord knows my ass, once quite bouncy, is now a boy-butt. Those are all things I wear with pride as my hard-won battle scars. But for me the only thing that I just couldn’t deal with was the fact that, while the containers were still there, what had been my boobs/rack/front end…were a meager shell of their original self. And a pretty shell it was not. They deflated like week-old party balloons. So…I made myself a deal. Once my weight settled in at a steady number…and I kept it that way for five years…I’d consider looking into fixing “the girls”.

Over more than five years I waffled back and forth. I was pretty much against cosmetic surgery. And after consulting with a surgeon I decided against it. He was creepy…..and the procedure he described seemed excessive. So…I thought about it for another couple of years. The turning point came when I realized that I couldn’t bend over without one or both of my ta-tas simply spilling out of bras and bathing suit tops. They had no substance…so I had resorted to under-gear with massive infrastructure to prop them up and make them look less like 1/3 filled sandbags. The longer I waited…the more I became frustrated…and really kind of pissed. I had worked so hard to get healthy…and here I was rewarded with sad, old-lady boobies that would eventually have to be tucked into the waistband of my pants.

Harsh.

So yes. I consulted with a really good surgeon…and got them refilled and put back where they used to be. No…not cheap…and no…not a very comfortable recovery. BUT…it was the last thing stopping me from feeling 100%. So consider…and understand …that with the weight loss may come some added updating and correction…depending on how your body does or doesn’t snap back. My advice? Take really good care of your skin as you lose weight. But…if you do end up where I did, needing a front-end alignment (heh)…feel free to ask and I’ll give you the straight poop on what having that done was like for me. I’m totally thrilled with the results…and I do feel like the old me once again.

Some hints and tips for you journey:

* Start with a week of writing down everything you put in your mouth.

* The next week…half each portion you eat.

* Only eat portions as big as your fist. Sounds stupid..but it’s a guide tool that you always have with you!

* Give Weight Watchers a shot. There really are some super supportive people involved there…and you won’t feel so overwhelmed and alone.

* Don’t skip meals. Simply eat smaller portions more frequently.

* One day a week…treat yourself. Something small and yummy that you love. Eat it slowly and savor it. 🙂

* Get off the couch. Even if you just walk around the block each evening or morning…that is progress! And it will help.

* Don’t let anyone tell you can’t do it. And if they try, use that as motivation to prove them wrong.

* Remember…this is your life. Only you can decide to get healthy. Nobody is going to do it for you.

* Don’t give up. Everyone trips up from time to time. Sometimes that big piece of cake is what you simply must have! So enjoy that damned cake, and then you start back over the next day and keep moving forward.

Honestly…if I left anything out here, if there is anything you want to ask me, or need to know, please feel free. You can leave a message for me here…or tag me on Facebook. I’d love to see everyone have the same success story that I’ve just presented to you.

So…without further ado.

This is me about a year ago in the very same overalls I wore to my first Weight Watchers meeting:

No more splitting seams 🙂 Go ahead…hang on to those favorite “fat pants”. When you reach your goal…taking a shot like this is fun.

And this….is me now (right around 143 lbs where I aims to stay):

And this…is proof that, with a little determination, everyone can find their happy ending..at whatever healthy size feels right to them:

I KNOW that you can totally do it too!

Coming soon:

As I was going through my whole weight loss adventure, my wonderful husband (pictured with me above) did 90% of the cooking. I had always been an unispired, and to be honest, unskilled cook. Through my quest to lose weight…and an unexpected adventure in heart attacks and open-heart surgery for him…we got schooled really hard in making the right food choices AND finding ways to make them taste really, really good. Recently I’ve started learning to love cooking. I’ve kept track of the recipes that are exceptional (as I am still a foody, after all), and I’m going to start sharing them here. So subscribe or keep checking back, and I’ll do what I can to help you find great healthy stuff to eat!

Raw Data & Tasty Facts

As luck would have it, the post that I intended to enter today has been sidetracked by computer hijinks. So, while The Hubster fiddles with the technical madness that is holding my archive of old photos prisoner, I thought I’d offer some good solid info for those who are trying to find a lifestyle path that is best for them to take on the weight loss challenge.

Following are some links that really are helpful, full of facts and answered many of my questions without being preachy or biased:

First, a list of the top four weight loss programs: http://www.consumersearch.com/weight-loss-programs

Second, some importance facts to help you choose what path is best for you: http://www.consumersearch.com/weight-loss-programs/important-features

Third, a full report and review of weight loss planning based on “solid research for Weight Watchers, the Atkins Diet, the Zone, Slim-Fast, Dean Ornish’s Eat More, Weigh Less and Volumetrics published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, Public Health Nutrition, the New England Journal of Medicine, Obesity Reviews and peer-reviewed science journals.”  http://www.consumersearch.com/weight-loss-programs/review

Many people use a number of the plans discussed at the links above in a stepping stone pattern. A short stint on a fairly restrictive plan, to get a jump-start and see some quick results. Then a somewhat less restricting plan, to help them get used to taking control and ease back into making nutritional choices on their own, and finally a plan of sensible eating that they can live with for the rest of their lives.

I’d also suggest anyone who wants to get down and dirty with nutritional knowledge check out this great book: http://www.amazon.com/Good-Carbs-Vs-Bad/dp/0425193845

This is an especially helpful book if you are dealing health issues associated with excess weight. It’s an easy read, helped me learn which foods helped me burn and which were tripping me up… and helped my husband gain control over his battle with diabetes.

Whatever you may choose, always run the plan past your general practitioner for the sake of your health, and then stay positive. Any amount of weight that a person might want to lose took time to put on. My own journey took me nine and a half months to get to my high goal. It took another few months for me to get down to my ultimate goal weight. I figure a year is a pretty reasonable amount of time to shed weight that it had taken me multiple years to put on.

And always…stick with facts. Lots of people have opinions, but the facts never lie.

Next up? How absolutely easy I am, when someone dangles a prize in front of me.

Don’t Blame The Baker.

Deciding to lose weight/get healthy was the easy part, I came to realize. So, this is where I clue you in on some of the odd reactions to expect if you choose to venture down the same path, as well as some tips and such that could make your journey just a tad easier.

First off, I love food. That is something that will never change for me. And honestly? Why give up something you love, right? No…my key to chugging toward my goal started with food journaling. Sounds like a cliché’ phrase, but it worked for me. I honestly had no idea how much food I was mindlessly grazing on. Try it. Take a week and write down everything you put in your pie-hole. I was shocked…and I’ll bet you will be too. Not just about the amount that I was eating, but about how sporadically I was eating. Nothing all day, and then macking out on the majority of a large pizza at night? Skipping lunch so that I could justify all-you-can-eat night at the local Mexican restaurant? And it became apparent that I almost never ate breakfast. This is where I learned a ton about listening to my body. Not eating all day was basically treating my body like some sort of concentration camp survivor. It was being denied nutrition so, when it was presented with food, it gorged and hung on to every single fat gram…every single carb…every calorie that it had been denied.

Clue phone: RING! Eating smaller amounts on a regular basis keeps me out of concentration camp mode, makes me less prone to hungry-crankiness and enables me to not pull a Miss Piggy when presented with a menu and a fork and knife.

Me.

Not that guy who brought donuts to the office. Not that girl who sits next to me with the cheesy potato skins and the double martini while we wait for our table to be ready. Not the people advertising tasty baked goodness on late night TV.

Me. I made the choice to eat like it was an Olympic event for a number of years. I was the one who was going to have to address the results.

So…this is where I talk about the notion of blaming other people for weight gain. If you do try Weight Watchers…this is the only common problem I see with the program.

Evidently…cake? Is evil. People who bake cakes? Evil. People who bake cakes and bring them into an area close to someone trying to get control of their weight/health? Way evil.

I don’t buy into this. Not one bit. Equating people who bake to drug pushers is just plain nonsense.

This became glaringly apparent to me during a Weight Watchers meeting. One of the other members, we’ll call her The Cake Hater, shared that she was angry that a woman in her office baked a cake for every employee’s birthday. The baker brought the cake into the office, where a small birthday celebration would take place during the lunch hour. The office staff, including the previously mentioned Cake Hater, would gather together…sing the birthday song…and then share the cake. The Cake Hater took this as a personal attack on her attempt to lose weight. In her mind, it was intentional sabotage! She HAD to eat cake EVERY SINGLE TIME someone had a birthday.

I sat there, listening to her share this experience, until she was red-faced and sweaty with rage.

“Ummm, couldn’t you just sing the birthday song, take a super small piece and…you know…enjoy the treat?” I said. “Or maybe sing the song, take the cake and pop it in the trash at your desk…you know…just to be polite? Or, hey, just say “No cake for me, thanks…but happy birthday!” and go on with your day?”

This was met with a glare from the “All tasty foods are evil” side of the room.

And yes, there will be people who feel that, to lose weight, one must never again let anything joyful and tasty touch their lips. I. personally, find them way cranky and lacking in even the most basic self-control. And I do believe this is due to the lack of baked goods. Just sayin’.

Some discussion and heated debate ensued…ending after I said…”Ummm, you chose to eat that big piece of cake. Nobody held a gun to your head and MADE you.” And then the meeting leader changed the subject, fearing rioting from the cake-deprived set.

So…here’s the thing. IF you are making the decision to change your life, don’t suck all of the joy out of it. Or out of anyone else’s life. Lots of people are happy as clams, just as they are. Let them be. Don’t harsh on their happy with a higher-than-mighty attitude about food. YOU are responsible for you. Own it. I know I did. As much as I would have liked to blame my weight issues on other people, the media, drive-thru restaurants and Nabisco displays…I made the choice to make them such a huge part of my mis-balanced diet. Nobody was standing down a dark alley going “Pssst, you want some good stuff?” And even if they were…I had the choice to ignore them. They weren’t pushing food. No. I? Was drinking the Kool-Aid all by myself.

So…yep. I totally think anyone who wants to change their life can. They just have to really want to. Unfortunately, you might come to find that, when you make positive changes in your life…some people will have not such nice things to say about it. Good friends will cheer you on. But it will be quickly apparent who your not-so-good friends are by the way they react. Those of you who have been down this same path know….and it can be a bit of a bitter pill. So be prepared for people who will insinuate that you have an eating disorder…or that you are wasting your time. Stick with the people who encourage you and you’ll be good.

Did some people drift away from me as I lost pounds. Yep. Did the women in the office I worked in at that time stop asking me if I wanted anything when they ordered out. Yes. Did it bother me? Of course. But mainly because I expected everyone to be as thrilled for me as I was. That just doesn’t happen. Some people are threatened that you start looking slimmer and better. Others might be upset that you can do something they can’t…or won’t. I dealt with this…and still do, when I run into people who haven’t seen me since my heavier days. I have heard second-hand that I “obviously had Weight Loss Surgery”…or that someone whispered “You know she doesn’t eat ANYTHING” or better, the very encouraging “You know you’ll gain it all back”..right to my face. Yep, people will talk. But I had to rest confident in the fact that I knew that I did it the healthiest way possible, and that I held the control over my own success or failure. I tried to remind myself of the time when I, a fat girl, sneered and said not so nice things about “the skinny girls”. I tried, when I could, to reason with the person who was being negative about my positive. Sure, listen to the feedback. Someone might catch you being a little too manic with your dieting…or excercising too much…and stop you from hurting yourself, but some are simply unhappy that you are happy. Those who cheer you on are keepers. Those who try to throw a wrench in the monkey-works, for no other reason than that perhaps your feeling good about yourself makes them feel bad about themselves….well…they should have been tossed out long ago.

Bottom line? Own your fat…and, if you are so inclined, own the way you go about getting rid of it. You worked hard (even if you don’t realize you did) to gain the weight, and you’re going to work hard to lose it. Be proud, but don’t be self-righteous. Do what you know is right for you, but don’t expect everyone around you to follow suit.

And, most important?

Don’t blame the baker.

A world without cake is not a very happy world at all.

Stiletto Mourning

R.I.P…my lovely bargain basement designer shoes.

It is a sad, sad day when your shoes abandon you.

The “Underwear Incident” was embarrassing, but ultimately funny. That I could live with. Buy some new undies, toss the car-cover ones and move on. Easy-peasy.

But this?

This was a horror beyond all imaginable.

At about fifty pounds down I was totally feeling the groove. I had this! I was in control. Yes indeedy!

I had found some of the most awesome consignment stores to buy, what I like to call ,my “Interim Wardrobe”. My biggest score was a snappy black and white daisy print sundress for three dollars! Losing weight, or even simply getting in shape, does call for some changes in sizing. Every girl (or smart and stylish guy) knows that clothes are an investment. So, when you are working toward a goal you have to be thrifty…as you may only be in that particular size for a few weeks or so. Finding a great second-hand/comsignment shoip is the key to not having to wear oversized pants, all cinched up at the waist like Jed Clampett, while working your way toward your goal.

Know what I mean?

But…I was totally unprepared to suddenly find myself walking out of my formerly snug shoes. And of course, in true dork-fashion, my first experience with this phenomena…was on an escalator. Picture me standing tall and proud in my smaller sized undies (which, of course only I knew about…but still, it was way cool!), gliding doooown the escalator, maybe thinking about doing the Royal Wave…just for kicks… when I go to step off at the bottom and BAM!!…almost performed a face-plant right outside The Gap.

(Note: Do we all feel the urge to smack the twelve-year-old sales girls in there…or is it just me?)

What the hell? Right?

After righting myself, and sliding my size nines back into my favorite Spanish Leather pumps I realized….they were suddenly too big! They fit fine last week! I clomped my way out to my car and kicked my beloved shoes off on the floorboard.

What the hell?

My shoes! My one source of happiness, no matter what size the rest of me might be.

I rushed home, threw open my closet doors, plopped down on the floor and started pulling pair after pair of shoes from the bottom of the closet that my husband had long ago deemed The Shoe Shrine. I’ll admit it…I am, and always have been, a bit of a shoe-whore. I love unique, sexy and fun shoes…and, at this point and time, had collected quite a display of quite fabulous footwear. They were my hobby…and my cherished little piece of heaven…even at Payless BOGO and Cross-Dress-For-Less prices.

And suddenly??? My feet had….shrunk? Leaving me shoeless?

So. WRONG!

I did not see this ANYWHERE in the Weight Watchers paperwork! There should be a warning label. Something that says “Oh, hey…getting healthy makes your knickers fall off when you sneeze…and yeah, those awesome designer shoes you got on sale for such a bargain? Totally say bye-bye to those bad boys.”

I was so pissed. But then, hey, I was sort of happy too. I mean, even my feet were getting smaller. But, damn…what was I going to do about footwear? So not fair! But then again…really cool, right?

My id, ego and super-ego were in an all out war of reason.

To say I was torn was an understatement. And this is the lesson you learn when you base your identity in what your wear. Even just a little bit.

Lesson learned. I tip my hat to you Madame Fate.

And there was more shrinkage to come. But we’ll just save that for a bit later. Okidokie?

Now, just a bit of a deviation from the main flow of the river of this blog. You’ll notice that I have not recently shared many photos, save one or two, of myself during this point in my journey. The reason for that is…this blog isn’t about me. Well, O.K. it is an account of my getting-healthy-losing-weight dealio…but, my goal for this blog is to put some common ground out there for anyone who might be trying to make this kind of change in their life. I’m not looking for any acclaim or notoriety. I would just like to provide some information that I wish I had access to when I was trudging along, hoping to succeed.

Simple as that.

Read it. Love it. Hate it. It’s all fine by me.

The one thing I never was, throughout this process (I keep saying “journey” and it’s making even me all pukey), was pathetic. O.K….maybe for a minute during The Coffee Table Incident…but outside of that? I have always been, and forever will be, so freaking upbeat you’ll just want to slap me.

*big grin*

That’s just me. The last time I worried about being judged for my appearance was sometime in my early teens. I know I’m a super-awesome person (I’m guessing you are too!) and as long as I know that, only super-awesome people will take up residence in my orbit. Every now and again a bad egg will slide in under the radar, but they’ll get spun out again soon enough…and leave you even smarter and more awesome. And really…you totally know you make more progress on any project if you are positive…right?

Sounds all funky and new-age-like…but try it. Love who you are, flaws and all, and you’ll be amazed how stress-free life becomes. Take every single situation that you come upon, and feel to be negative, and dig out that one nugget of positive. It’s there…I promise. You just have to WANT to see it! This, I believe…ultimately, was the root of my drive and determination. While I knew my heart and soul were super-cool, my body was sending up a red flag that maybe I just might want to pay a little more attention to my packaging, before it decided to up and quit on me…right?

This is also why I have shared the record of my weight loss. So readers can see that it doesn’t just *poof* drop off overnight. The most healthy and sensible way to lose is slowly, naturally…and without some crazy starvation or drug-supported fad-type diet. Does it take self-control? Sure. Is it hard at first? Of course. Is it better than yo-yoing up and down, becoming a slave to the gym, letting some maybe-experienced person inject you with vitamins and god-knows-what else, or emptying your bank account to eat packaged meals delivered right to your doorstep until you want to scream? Yep. Totally.

So…fifty pounds or so down…and that’s just about when, unknowingly, I pissed some people off.

To be, as they say, continued… 😀